Understanding why we’re drawn to someone can be complex. It could be their infectious grin, their clever wit, or their effortless company. You just find them appealing.
Nonetheless, scientists, in their pursuit of deeper answers, have dedicated years to uncovering the precise factors that trigger connections between individuals. Below, we’ve gathered some of their most captivating discoveries. Read on to gain fresh perspectives on your current friendships and enhance your ability to establish meaningful relationships more efficiently.
01 Mirror the person you’re with
Employing mirroring tactics involves subtly imitating someone’s conduct. When conversing, try mimicking their gestures, body language, and facial expressions.
In 1999, researchers from New York University documented the “chameleon effect,” which transpires when individuals unconsciously replicate each other’s actions. This mimicry fosters liking.
In an experiment, 72 participants collaborated on a task with partners. These partners, who were collaborating with the researchers, either mimicked their partner’s behaviors or abstained from doing so. The researchers recorded these interactions. After the task, participants were asked to gauge how much they liked their partners.
Unsurprisingly, participants were more likely to express fondness for partners who mirrored their actions.
02 Increase time spent with potential friends
According to the mere-exposure effect, we tend to favor those familiar to us.
For instance, psychologists at the University of Pittsburgh placed four women, posing as students, in a university psychology class. Each woman attended the class a varying number of times. Male students, shown pictures of these women, demonstrated a stronger affinity for those they’d seen more frequently, despite limited interactions.
03 Offer compliments
The way you describe others reflects on you. This is known as spontaneous trait transference.
A study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed that this phenomenon persisted even when people knew that the traits they discussed didn’t pertain to the people in question.
According to Gretchen Rubin, author of “The Happiness Project,” your descriptions of others influence how people perceive you. When you depict someone as genuine and kind, others link you with these qualities. The converse holds true as well: if you consistently criticize others behind their backs, your friends will begin associating you with negativity.
04 Exhibit positive emotions
Emotional contagion arises when individuals are deeply influenced by the emotions of those around them. Researchers from Ohio University and the University of Hawaii argue that this happens due to our subconscious mimicry of others’ movements and expressions, which leads us to experience similar emotions.
If you aim to spread happiness, strive to convey positive feelings.
05 Project warmth and competence
The stereotype content model, proposed by Princeton University psychologists, asserts that people judge based on warmth and competence.
According to the model, portraying warmth — being friendly and noncompetitive — encourages trust. Demonstrating competence, such as through status or education, earns respect.
Psychologist Amy Cuddy underscores that emphasizing warmth before competence is crucial, especially in business settings. From an evolutionary standpoint, Cuddy suggests in her book “Presence,” determining trustworthiness is vital to our survival.
06 Share your imperfections
The pratfall effect suggests that others will like you more after witnessing your mistakes, provided they regard you as competent. Revealing your flaws fosters relatability and vulnerability.
Research by Elliot Aronson at the University of Texas demonstrated this phenomenon. Participants listening to recorded quizzes preferred individuals who performed well but made a minor mistake (like spilling coffee), compared to those who excelled without errors.
07 Highlight shared values
People are naturally drawn to those who resemble them, the similarity-attraction effect. In an experiment by Theodore Newcomb, subjects with similar attitudes cohabited and ended up favoring housemates who shared their perspectives.
Intriguingly, recent research suggested that Air Force recruits liked those who shared their negative traits more than those with shared positive traits.
08 Smile
A University of Wyoming study revealed that photos of a smiling woman garnered the most likability, irrespective of body position.
Recent findings from Stanford University and the University of Duisburg-Essen indicated that avatars displaying bigger smiles led to more positive perceptions during interactions.
Bonus: Initial smiles leave a lasting memory.
09 Perceive others as they wish to be seen
Individuals prefer being seen as they perceive themselves, as described by self-verification theory. Aligning perceptions with their self-concept fosters smoother interactions.
In Stanford and University of Arizona studies, participants preferred interactions with those sharing perceptions, positive or negative, about them. When beliefs align, relationships thrive due to the sense of understanding.
09 Share a secret
Self-disclosure is a powerful relationship-builder. A study involving universities like Stony Brook and California Graduate School of Family Psychology revealed that deepening questions led to heightened closeness.
In your interactions, gradually progress from light questions to personal insights. Sharing intimate details encourages others to confide in you.
10 Demonstrate discretion
Trustworthiness and trustingness are vital for relationships, as shown by the University of Florida, Arizona State University, and Singapore Management University studies.
Northern Illinois University’s Suzanne Degges-White states that trustworthiness, involving honesty and dependability, is pivotal for successful friendships.
11 Exhibit humor
Humor is universally appealing, as confirmed by studies from Illinois State University and California State University in Los Angeles. Expressing humor during initial interactions enhances likability.
12 Let them speak about themselves
Harvard researchers found self-disclosure to be rewarding, akin to food or money.
Sharing personal experiences could create positive memories of interactions.
13 Embrace vulnerability
Emotional openness influences interpersonal connections, as argued by Jim Taylor of the University of San Francisco. Despite the risks, emotional exposure fosters closeness.
Act like you like them
“Reciprocity of liking” reveals that perceiving mutual attraction encourages liking.
Experiments show that expecting acceptance leads to warmer behavior, increasing the likelihood of reciprocated liking.
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