The experience of depression goes beyond momentary sadness or fleeting emotions. It is not a subject of admiration or beauty. Depression manifests in the sensation of almost shedding tears over a spilled glass of water. Instead of tending to the mess, you find yourself collapsing onto the floor, overcome with tears.
It’s about finding solace in neglecting your hair, allowing it to remain unbrushed for extended periods. Depression oscillates between emotional extremes, swinging from elevated joy to a point where the world appears devoid of color.
Depression and panic can strike anywhere – at work, in your car, during celebrations, shopping, or even in social settings. Some days hold promise, shining brightly, and you begin to believe in your recovery. Yet, a minor trigger, a glance or memory, can swiftly unravel your composure.
Questions like “Why are you crying?” or “What’s troubling you?” surface, leaving you with no explanation other than “I don’t know, it’s just how it is.” Mornings might reveal remnants of yesterday’s mascara, a testament to your exhaustion that prevented makeup removal the night before.
People offer assurances that things will improve, and you yearn for that day. Occasionally, you feel the sun radiating happiness through you, but at times, you’re engulfed in emotional numbness. The journey through depression lacks simplicity and quick resolutions.
Supporting someone with depression poses even greater challenges. The resolve to heal, not just for oneself but for a loved one, contends with the weight of despair. The idea that they might be better off without you can be distressing. Living with depression taints every compliment you receive. Your self-perception becomes marred by a desire for transformation.
Depression isn’t confined to a specific background. Even those raised in privilege and surrounded by unwavering love can carry the burden of past hardships. While friends and family encourage openness during episodes, it’s a daunting task when the clock reads 3 am.
Depression is not an amusing game or a trendy trait to adopt. It’s a grave and unsightly reality that impacts countless lives. Overcoming depression doesn’t come as an overnight revelation; despair doesn’t dissipate with a mere decision.
Embrace your tears, and acknowledge vulnerability. You’re not impervious; you’re human, capable of feeling pain. Confront the emptiness, give it space, grieve, let your mascara-stained tears flow. Remove the façade, unveil your true self, and if needed, let yourself crumble under the weight of exhaustion.
Allow the inner turmoil, which you’ve wrestled with, to consume you. Admit your pain. Stop feigning normalcy for the first time, and let the curvature of your lips express sadness instead of pretense. Release it all, express yourself, even if it involves swearing. It’s permissible to be miserable. Time will eventually mend the wounds.
Afterward, continue your journey. Leave behind the pain in the tears you’ve shed. Retain the memories without the mourning. Allow genuine smiles, free from artifice and heartache, to grace your face. It’s acceptable to be fine. It’s acceptable to be repairable. It’s acceptable to find happiness. Embrace life anew.