Initiating a transformation in our societal ethos requires a fundamental shift in our personal conduct. By altering our actions, we can exemplify the conduct we wish to witness in an ideal realm—an environment void of derogatory “slut” labeling—inspiring others to follow our lead. Choosing to eschew such labeling entails refraining from assigning blame to any woman—anyone—for our internal apprehensions and uncertainties about our bodies and sexuality. This necessitates a candid exploration of those personal uncertainties, a daunting task for most. The convictions we accept without question are the most challenging to scrutinize. However, as we become more adept at recognizing and rejecting the covert belittling within our thoughts, we concurrently enhance our ability to refrain from such conduct in our speech and actions.
So, what constitutes actions and words that perpetuate derogation? According to Soraya Chemaly’s definition predating its widespread use in 2011: “It involves humiliating, demeaning, or otherwise disparaging a female based on her genuine or assumed sexual behavior, including her attire, sexual sentiments, and their expression.”
This encompasses overt instances, like directly accusing someone of promiscuity, or unfairly attributing blame to a survivor of sexual assault. Yet, it can manifest more subtly. Almost everyone has, at some point, either inadvertently engaged in or been complicit in such behavior. This pervasive norm stems from the culture we grew up in, to the extent that many remain oblivious to it. Here are some instances that may not be recognized as derogatory:
- Assigning blame to a girl when her stolen explicit photo circulates.
In this situation, she has been betrayed and victimized. While sharing such an image might be naive, her intent was to please the recipient. It was an act of vulnerability that he exploited, not merely about the image’s content. This exploitation signifies control, as he knew possessing her intimate photo could grant him power over her. If he shares it without her consent, he’s leveraging that control to mar her social life. Who merits censure in this scenario?
- Ridiculing someone’s sexual preferences as “unusual.”
If someone confides in you about their desires, be a supportive friend rather than shaming them. Often, we hear of these details through gossip, which is often erroneous. Even if accurate, how can one ascertain what’s “normal”? Why should there be a single, dull standard for sexuality? The only sexuality you can truly comprehend is your own.
- Presuming a girl dresses up solely for male approval.
Attire serves both functional and expressive purposes. Assuming a girl dresses for men’s enjoyment implies her worth is tied to male approval. This fallacy is detrimental to her and to you.
- Applying distinct language when discussing the sexual behavior of girls versus boys.
The assertion that girls can do anything boys can is engrained until societal expectations shift at puberty. Suddenly, there are restrictions based on gender. We must apply the same discourse to sexual experiences, challenging the double standard.
- Describing a woman, or even yourself, as “similar to a guy in sexual matters.”
Expressing sexual freedom shouldn’t be restricted to men. Women can enjoy casual sex without it being a uniquely masculine trait.
- Remaining silent when others engage in derogatory behavior.
The individual belittling women for engaging in first-date hookups is often the same person advocating for such behavior. Our silence implies agreement, thus challenging this conduct is imperative. Although dissent might lead to criticism, it can also spark constructive dialogue. Our silence permits these attitudes to persist, but by breaking it, we catalyze change.
As we hone our sensitivity to these nuanced forms of derogation, we have the power to reshape our behavior. Our changed conduct can serve as an example for those around us, influencing our parents, friends, and beyond. This ripple effect drives transformation, in which we all play a pivotal role.